57. Awareness, Focus of awareness and Memory

Awareness is aliveness. This creation is alive, in terms of knowing it as an experience. The knowing of Creation is the Creation in the knowing. Or knowing of content feels as if content to knowing, even though knowing is all there is but feels like content is all there is and knowing of it is unspoken about, to hide the fact that contents are just the knowing of IT.
So Awareness is a Potential and consciousness is a way that experiencing physically happens to register in memory. So experiencing to memory, is by use of consciousness, as if consciousness was playing out subject object format in experiecing content of creation. Creation needs a fromat to experience itself or know itself. It cannot experience itself, unless it plays out one object of creation as a subject to other objects of creation. So it spreads a web of consciousness so that the arising in consciousness is happening as of to some one.
There is link between Awareness, focus of awareness or attention and memory. That is how life works, ‘seemingly’  ‘to’ this human form. For example, take a conversation with your friend or relative. Imagine that he is talking to you and you are listening. It is not possible to be 100% attentive to all of the conversation. The 'focus of attention' may shift in awareness to some external sounds or thoughts. While this is happening, even though there is an awareness of the friend talking, you have missed out, that portion of speech, when the focus was elsewhere. What does this mean?, You are unable to recall, the portion of unfocused speech from memory, of what the friend said. So the focus of attention or simply attention in awareness is a mechanism for storage into memory.  Storage to memory is what seems to give reality to perception, as it can be recalled from memory, as if real. The rest, seems illusory, as if, no-one noticed it happening.  So if there was no focus at all, on any part of the appearance in awareness, all of IT was an illusion and the reality, within the illusion, seems to be the that part of the illusion, which we can say is memorable. If reality, depends ONLY on memory, or ability to recall, then, it is totally a BELIEVED way of accepting reality, What IS –cannot be illusion or reality, because both reality and unreality is still within what is happening, and what is happening is THIS, which awareness is as consciousness, playing out what is happening as THIS.  

Memory is a set of meaningful experiences. Meaning making is the experience itself. Even when someone is talking, the meanings of the speech  is ‘the experience’. Without meaning there is no experience. Many times, a meaning is made, as if to mean, meaningless. Without meanings, there is no recording to memory of any such happening. More the meaning, better the experience and better the memory. Memory is nothing but a set of experiences and experience is nothing but a set of meaningful activities, arising in awareness, saved as memory. Also , meanings can only happen, when there is focus ( which can be only be for a small part of wholeness) and so can be considered as nothing but areas of  focus, to the appearances in awareness.

The design of all experiences are based on a mechanism, that the experience is seemingly happening ‘to’ an entity. Life features itself ‘as an entity, by means of ‘focus’ of attention, as if a separate entity with freewill and choice, has a capacity to focus. The focus of attention, seems to be the ‘focus-er’ of attention , as a separate entity, that is seemingly capable of doing this. The experiences or meanings are regarded happening to someone called ‘me’.

Meaning making of appearance or part of appearance is another name for story making of seemingly, what is happening, as if, from  a personal point of view. When such meaning happens automatically, it ‘feels’ as if a ‘person’ also is happening to this body, automatically, as its complimentary meaning.  It is a play of life, featuring ‘this’ person, as if separate from life, that can ‘see’ life as separate from this entity.  The splitting of wholeness into ‘separation’ is the illusory play of ‘Life’s intelligence, to create a separate focus attention, on its own play, thereby, making many many meanings or stories, out of wholeness, which is the ‘nature’ of the play.

Meaning making is for memory. To make meaning, time and space is used as a illusory factor. Out of sight, is still ‘believed’ to be within ‘mental sight’ or imagination. Within a mental acceptance as ‘at another place in space. So space ‘gets built up in memory. Duration of events as recorded to memory, giving a ‘feel’ of sequence, within memory. So the whole of time and space is the ‘meaning maker of memory’.  All objects in wholeness, seem to be constantly changing their formats of appearance.  Subjecting these formats to memory, with time-space meaning gives a ‘feel’ of ‘real story’ to such appearances in awareness.

So the whole Universe is a ‘cooked up’ story of illusion that is constantly in a flux of change, and the ‘feel’ of the story, becomes the feel of reality. Since ‘Life’ as a human form, behaves as if, meaning is happening to him, as a relationship to the outside world, a feeling of entity ‘seems’ to continuous. 

This ‘feel’ of separation, is only a play in awareness and when such separate focused meaning falls away, of the illusion that is happening, a new pattern arises. In the new pattern, there is no focus of attention on any particular portion in awareness. The whole appearance ‘seems’ to appear, with wholeness itself as focus. Since such wholeness cannot become a story, there is no recording of such event to memory. Without recording to memory, it ‘seems’ it is happening to ‘no-one’. Also there is no sense of time in this format, because time was only a creation for the recall in memory, as if there was a sequence to recording to memory. Now this state of perceiving wholeness, seems timeless and spaceless due to non-focus and non-recording to memory. The mind soon tries to make meaning of this non-focus, as if , it could be a new way of focus, may be without time and space, which could be a new way of making making to memory. Then the new ‘feel’ of entity comes back as if a new type of experience is being recorded. This new type of sensing wholeness comes without a strong sense of separation of the fictional entity. The true nature of creation is then witnessed as wholeness, wherein all ‘persons’ are ‘known’ to be a illusory for the purpose of feeling separate and to experiencing individual stories.  This becomes a biggest joke, that creation seems to be playing on itself. However the new pattern of sensing wholeness has ‘Lovable’ feel.

56. Thought and Effect.

The effect of thought is different from thought itself, as if, a thought pops up from somewhere and an effect from somewhere else creeps in and jointly create the so called thought effect. Thought by itself, cannot understand a thought. Neither can it understand the thought that is happening nor the next thought nor the previous thought. There are just words, or images, that cannot understand itself nor the previous nor the next. However, magically, meanings and expressions seem get attached to perception and through such thoughts, as if thoughts are interpreting our purpose in life and playing out the 'me' to negotiate the 'outer world of objects" .

Thought is an intuitive knowing and it suddenly adds learnt meanings so that the final understanding is veiled to feel a real me separate from the real world out there. Its very magical. It is difficult to actually find out the exact process how this happens as, it would be impossible for us to separate ourselves from thoughts and know what is happening. All of the knowing and experiencing is just an arising in aliveness and animating this body as if  a separate 'person'. 

Let us take an example. Say you are standing on a high bridge over a river. You tied some rubber cord to your legs, like in a bungee jump. Now you jump into the river. The feel of the jump is actually heart sinking as in the case of great fear or jumping without the tying of the legs, but the thought of being 'safe' with the rubber cord, comes in as if this was lovely feeling and assumes a ‘nature’ of thrill, as if different from fear. Then you go around telling that bungee jumping is thrilling.

This is actually how our system works. Whether you see a lovely sunset or a bad road accident, your heart skips a beat or sinks, become breath taking  and that feel is decoded as a thrilling event or a frightful event as the case may be, to link the  story of ‘seeing’. In all cases, it is breath taking, racing of the heart beat etc. The thrill or the fear of seeing a snake within your reach, has the same special effect ( or emotional effect). Meaning to say, the simulation in the body, for most of the ‘seeing’  is almost the same. Its like simulation of the bike, in a gaming session of kids.  According to the movement of the bike in the video,  the physical bike on which the child sits, ‘vibrates’ a little. No matter, what the bike in the video does, jumping a bump, or crashing the divider, or head on collision, the simulation in the physical bike is the same. The child still feels the real thrill of crash or jump.

In case, due to some reason, there is not a synchronising of the ‘seeing’, with thought and ‘feelings’, events will continue to happen, as if without meanings or attachments. Like in a dream.  Thoughts are mostly worded descriptions, as if, the ‘seeing’ was an event that was effecting an entity within the body. So arising of a thought, is necessarily describing the event with a judgement of good or bad or ugly or dangerous, seemingly to an entity, thereby ‘keeping’ a fictional entity bound to a body. Parallelly, the ‘feel of fear or thrill’ will rhyme with the ‘seeing’ to feel as if, it is a ‘part and parcel’ of the ‘seeing’ and thinking .

Thoughts narrate a story to match the ‘seeing’ as if an event, happening to an individual. The simulation of the ‘feel’ of fear or thrill makes the entire package of ‘seeing’  as if a real event to a ‘me’. Over a period of conditioning, the feel  of fear or emotion automatically gets associated with thoughts also. A small child may allow a snake to pass on its body, feeling may happen, break taking may happen, but, since the child had no story of itself or of that of a snake, the event could not be meaningful.  In such a case, the event doesn’t seem to happen at all. Without thought, there is no story and also no event. Even if there was an event, without the story, it is regarded as a un-noticed event. So ‘noticing’ has to happen along with story making and conversely, story making is noticing. If you seem to ‘notice’ an enemy in the other person, you can be sure, you are having a story that happened already.

Thoughts are packets of stories. And stories are nothing but meaning making of the ‘seeing’.  Over a period of time, it is ‘assumed’ that all ‘seeing’ are meaningful or events or stories and so, all ‘seeing’ are converted to stories. So every seeing starts to attach a meaning, reason, cause, effect etc, in short called ‘a story’ to the seeing. This happens until it reaches a stage that, ‘seeing without their stories’, becomes no seeing at all, as if gone un-noticed. The meaning making or thought happening around the seeing and effect happening at the body, seems to be converting the whole seeing into an meaningful experience. So the experience includes the ‘seeing’ of it, the story or thought of it and the effect or fear or emotion of it. After a while, thoughts themselves start producing inter –related stories, connecting one event or experience to another and these more stories, seems to generate their worth of feeling of fear and emotions. So  the feel, that was previously seeming to happen only with ‘seeing’, now  starts happening with seeing of thoughts alone, as if, such event was happening  in reality, along with its pound of fleshy ‘feelings’. So the ‘thought’ or a money lender, coming home for his money becomes as power packed, as if, the money lender came in ‘person’.

If we are able to see the subtleness of thoughts and feelings and how they have their effect, we are able to put a wedge and isolate thought and its effect or the feel of emotions that seem to be generated in the body. Once this wedge is in place, the system that automatically generates feelings to thoughts or vice versa  (generates thoughts to feeling),  gets known to be a very artificial simulator. To a large extent, this can help in receding thoughts to the background for a seeing and also recede feeling to the background for a given thought, seen ‘as thought’. So it is possible, to have pure seeing ( or may be not),  with some understanding of how the body and thoughts are involved in the ‘seeing’, thereby automatically creating a time gap for associated emotions, thoughts, memory, etc, to synchronise with the ‘seeing’, thereby reducing its punch. Then the mind is said to be ineffective in story making.

Without stories and the special effects of bodily feelings, Existence takes a new format. This format is more interesting than the mind offered story of Existence.  The worst part of the story, that there is a ‘me’ to which the story is woven around, also falls away and this has the power to drop the illusory separation, of forms and also ‘me’ and the ‘other,’ because ‘separation’ is the fabric of storytelling. Life without stories or concept is seen as a non volition happening of events or as ‘pure seeing’ without concepts and separation, which is Existence itself or ‘all that is happening here and now’. This has a feel of an illusion to what is happening, and the reality of it was just in the story telling of the illusion or just ‘mental.

55. Wholeness and Separation.

This is a function of the mind,  that keeps the entity ‘on’ for seeking.  Once you get to the root of this functioning, you have seen through the whole game running around as separate.

Finiteness is imaginary boundary, that is happening in the sensing, due to change of sensation.  So change is noticed, a boundary is noticed, to separate one sensation from another or to separate a ‘change’ of the same type of sensation. 

Normally more than one sensation seems to be noticed for a given boundary.  Either in colour, shape, feel or hardness, taste, smell etc. Whenever there is a change of each sensation or a combination, an imaginary boundary is drawn and finiteness is assumed. It is actually a need for focus of attention, to understand or make a story around the sensation, that can create a  ‘save as’ file for memory, which we call its separate ‘thingness’. Its just a concept or temporary meaning agreed for communication.

The mind also has the capacity, to combine certain boundaries that form a pattern and make a another imaginary boundary, like for a group. This would be given a ‘new’ meaning for purpose of ‘save as’ file into memory.

So separateness and wholeness of certain separate forms, is a preoccupation of the mind. In order to enable the change, to be part of memory, meaning is given to separation, to make it easy, like we give names to files for ‘saving as’ to memory. The folder may be taken when group formation takes place. However, these are purely imaginary or for the ease of memory and does not have separate existences of being separate individual existence of such a separate block that is separated.

Let us take some examples.  Let us say, we see a tree. We can ‘feel’ tree as a whole unit, because  space divides the tree from the rest. At the point of division, there is a change in the pattern of sensing. The space is softer, light in colour and so on, as compared to the tree. So ‘space is not the tree’ is a meaning for memory. Now within the tree, the leaf is green, softer, shaped smaller, as compared to a twig, and the twig to a branch, branch to a trunk, to the root, fruit, flower etc. Within the flower, there is petals, sepals, stigma, pollen and what not. So the wholeness is the tree, the separation is root, trunk and the rest.

The mind switches over from separation to wholeness of the tree, depending on the ‘present’ story that is needed to be ‘broadcasted’. If there is a cutting of tree to make the road, it does so as a whole tree,  and if robbing mangoes, is the ‘news’ then it uses parts above the ground.

However, when we see tree, as a whole, we experience it as a whole. When we focus on the parts, we experience ‘as’ parts and not as a whole. But in the whole scheme of things, we cannot say, if tree should be conceived as wholeness or as a assembly of parts. When seen as a tree, the separation of parts dissolve and when seen as parts, the wholeness dissolves. They seem to individually exist in separation. But in actuality, they can only exist ‘as whole’. The separation is imagination for story, as if they ‘can’ exist separate. So separation is and is not and neither, from the point of reality. It is the feel that decides the case and it is the case that decides the feel. Cant say, what comes first or why.

So we are able to appreciate the wholeness of the flower, than its parts, wholeness of the tree, than its parts and so on.  So the whole ‘seeing’ is a point of  ‘focus’ and when the focus is on the whole, it seems whole, and focus is on parts, it seems as small as that part, but for that ‘part’ it seems whole, as required for a presentation of story.

Separation needs concepts or meanings for memory and story. Such knack used, is not to be taken as a separate entity or thingness. Thingness of the separate boundary, is a story pattern, to memorise a boundary, and such thingness, maintains the story as long as it can maintain the separation. The belief is separation is fully connected to the belief in the story. We cannot see, in parts, if the story, doesn’t demand such seeing. We do see ‘flower’ as a whole, but there is no flower that can be seen, if plucked or separated as parts. Where did the ‘flower’ go?,  Did it disappear, did it disintegrate. If it did exist separately, where did it go. There is just no talk about it.

‘Thingness’ is the key to separation. If you don’t see the petals, automatically, the flower will be seen, or the plant or the garden or the place or the country or the planet or the universe.  So whenever, wholeness appears, separation disappears, separation being thingness, also disappears. Thingness and entity is same phenomenon. So absence of thingness, emptying of forms, is the key to wholeness. Emptying out oneself of an entity, empties all thingness of all forms, and what is left is just the wholeness of what is happening, without a story to it.

54. Imagination.

Imagination is the ‘thought form’ of knowing. The knowing takes a form of story telling, as if, all that is perceived has some logical meaning, as if to have a reality being shared by separate people.

It is done ‘as if in thoughts’, but, there could be dozens of flash knowings, spontaneously, giving all probable knowable logic that could be put forth to the five sense perceptions. For example, when you see from of the tree, there is a knowing it’s a tree. It doesn’t have to be thought sentence, coming up as ‘I see a tree or that is a tree’. Knowing is not sentence wise.  As you look around, there is knowing of roads, trees, cars etc. It comes in thousands and doesn’t give a chance to locate, how this knowing is coming about, in frames. Its like a movie scene. What we see is continuous, but what gets projected is in frames. Similarly, knowing frames appear in thousands, as if when one looks around, he seems to know everything. Let me assure you that all this is ‘bullshit’. But that is how life is.

Let get to the basics a bit. No matter how you analyse, it always boils down to objectification. This is the culprit or dance of wholeness.

Life is like music. What you hear is instrumental music, and what comes as an re-cognition or a feel, is as if, it is encoded as a meaningful ‘lyrics’ or with words or meanings. So for a sad music you cry, for a dance music we dance. We react to music, as if it could make us react. It has the power to express us, as if its own expression. It means, It means, It means, whatever it means.

We, when exposed to instrumental, would be like the Buddha mind, and when exposed to the lyrics would like others or the normal ‘person’. In a normal song, the lyrics, along with the ‘tune’ can make you cry or laugh. Like in a movie, they ‘talk’, but if the background ‘tunes’ or melody, is not designed to give ‘that emotional’ feeling that is expected of the narration, you would never feel emotional at all. Imagine narrating a conversation as a robot would speak it, then, meaning would be difficult, without a body language or expression. Even so, along with the words, when one talks, the expressions of the face, the ‘tune’ of the words, the background scenery, all add up, to give the effect that is sought.

All these side effects, other than the meaning of the words, if recited unemotionally, is 5 sense perception. The mind, being the eventual movie maker, completely manipulates the perception, to give the required ‘cause and effect’ behaviour or meaning, with all the emotional ‘masala’.

The theme of life is set in scheme called logic or ‘cause and effect’. Life itself has been honing its skills in developing science, in the area of cause and effect, to make the events more and more meaningful of whatever is perceived, even though in reality, ‘nothing is ever happening’.

Meaning maker, or emotional meaning maker, is an intelligent aspect of ‘mind’ ( mind, which is also an concept as if a cause and effect, is required here also, or else mind is non existent) that makes responses, as hundreds of knowing, to fit a perception,  to generate a ‘cause and effect’ meaning to that scene, based on the basis, to make the perceiving, look like a meaningful event. This cause and effect type meaning maker works in the waking state very well and is able to generate a complete ‘human race’ and an outer universe that are never there. Loll.

I was dreaming this morning of taking off using a stick. It had a knob kind of fitting. I knew, I was dreaming and wanted to remember as much as I could. And so it goes- I would kind of squeeze that knob and I would be in air and try to tell all that this was it. So simple, why are all not using this aspect of life!. Sounds atrocious to the way mind works in the waking state. But believe me, in that dream, it did make meaning as the dream proceeded, and I was quite well versed with flying around in a matter of may be 10 seconds. I wonder where I see the dream. But there is a knowing of having dreamt. Similarly, there is knowing of all meanings to what we see. God know how it happens.

But what is happening. There is some reality, as an illusion happening all around to no-one and there is knowing all that is happening, as if to someone.  In reality, we perceive only, the feedback, of five senses. It is actually one set of sensations, but ‘this’ mind, thinks that it knows them as ‘five’. These sensations are happening continuously as an experience and ‘may be real’. However, this reality is happening ‘now’ and is an illogical combination of a set of colours, shapes, hardness etc, coming as a flow of ‘now’. Its colourful but meaningless at its core. Now depending on ‘each of us’, meanings happen, in horribly quick succession to all these sensations.

Firstly, the whole scene of seeing, hearing etc, all ‘five; sensations are coming a one block and are split into ‘five’ different categories, even though there are none. Now each category sensation is further divided ‘finely’ and given individual borders and meaning. Like for example, a chair is put to that finite shape, a tree is put to this shape, a nandakumar to this one etc and millions and millions or names or meanings are springing out, to each ‘cut section’ form and the best possibility is made, so as to stick on, for  memory.

Like background music of the cinema, emotions, and feelings are set into the body, as if it is personal to ‘this’ body. Now objectification is said to be happening. In a split second, the looks of ‘now’ is disappearing to give birth to a new appearance and a ‘feeling’ of time is ‘arranged’ by mind, as if an event is happening. No matter what is seen, or not seen, a fullset of opposites provide the filling up material that is required to make the ‘hotchpotch’ perception to meaningful events.  

When we try to forcibly remember many items in a set, we can do it better but making a story, connecting all items. If the story is good one, you will not miss out, even one item. Similarly, this mind, makes the best story. Even you missed out 90%, of the perception, the mind has the power to make up a beautiful story, to include  missing 90% as a major part of the story, as if its opposite existed! What is not there can become a major part of the story, in order to make a good memorable story, as if the 90% not there, needs to be re-membered by making it seem to be there as its opposite. So it uses new meaning for the ‘not theres’ like space for absence of things, darkness for absence of light and so on. Judgemental meaning becomes the highlight of the theme of meaning making or an essence of story making.

Let me make it simpler. ( normally, trying to confuse the guy, and telling him that this is a simpler version – that’s the game of mind. Lol.)

Light, as we know it to be is the essence of ‘life’ or creation. This light is not the one, we imagine as bright or dim light. It is the essence of consciousness. This light, creates colours, shapes, hardness, movements etc and the perceivable world as a sort of ‘knowing’

The so perceived world, would be totally illogical, if it was not for the ‘mind’. Mind is also of the same essence, but has a new role. It must hypnotically insert a concept of  ‘space and time’ factor for a 3D effect of a 2D seeing and duration effect to a spontaneous disappearing scenery.

In the original seeing, there is only what is seen or perceived, now and here. But this is not a  interesting game. It has to spiced with space and time and meaning making, as if an event is happening with a cause and effect ‘theme’ or Karma theme. So it starts with a ‘me’ for that, which feels ‘nearest’ and ‘other’  to forms outside of the nearest. ‘Me’ is a concept and ‘other’ is a also a concept, like time and space. Now the story is still bad, because, the ‘other’ - is a just a single flow of colours. This is further divided into a 10000 objects and made meaning to. And so the game takes on. It takes a few years to learn the game and then it’s in place, like an avalanche. It picks up its own momentum. Its enjoyable, until it gets too big to handle. In the course of its movement, the ability of the mind fails and this avalanche explodes to be just nothing. Some times it can explode, for no reason, like internally splintered avalanche. Silence, stillness is then, what is left, as all there is.

So the essence, as the light of consciousness is the unknowable, as there is ‘no one’ to know. However, whatever appears, is taken through ‘mind’ giving it more concepts like time and space and logic, which are totally illogical by any sense and all this nonsense suddenly seems to the ‘only’ sensible world, as this world has no comparison to evaluate. The sense of pleasure and sorrow, completes the missing requirements.

So nothing to do. Just give up believing what you see as logical events, at least, when you don’t need to interfere purposefully and just be. But ‘who’ is there to do this?

The mind will make a new story to this new game, but not for long. This game is not one of its ‘favourite’. It gets fed up and lets you be as ‘light of consciousness’. That’s you, without interpretation or mind’s narration. Take it or leave it.