92. Understanding of ‘What we are’.

Life is a paradox being played out. We are, are not and neither, all at the same time true. This is what makes life a paradox in the ‘understanding’ of it. Apperceiving ‘this’ understanding brings in a possibility of not misunderstanding, the previously accepted normal understanding to be true.

We try to seek ‘what we are’, while what we are is playing out as’ what we are not’, to be understood as that, what we are. Normally, the mind is not applied to understand ‘what we are not’ as this kind of analysis is simply a ‘not done thing’. So what ‘we are not’ as a ‘feel’ in terms of 'what we are' in thought, survives unto death or till such time, such apperceiving about this understanding sinks in.

Life is ‘functioning’. Understanding THIS  is the key to ‘Life’,. This functioning, has a interwoven sense to give us a glimpse of ‘what we actually are’ being the 'absolute' feel of ourselves, before understanding of what is sensed and interpreted, to make a feel, into what 'relatively' are as the only way to feel 'what we are'. In other words, what we are, can come about through understanding of what we are not. However, we are being ‘lived’ and there is little chance of such happening, unless intuition has mercy, to dwell 180 degree reverse into its normal working process to enable a subtle glimpse into how LIFE, plays itself out..

Life plays out in parts. It functions as sensing, understanding or conceptualising as if in thought and finally ‘feeling’ of such thoughtful understanding. This is the sequence. All of this happens automatically or without a body referenced coordinator. Sensing happens, like seeing and hearing, sensing happens of thoughts that interpret direct sensing into subject object related stories  etc,. The interpretation about such direct sensing, as if to make a story of time, in which, events continue in time with a feel of logic or science, is also a automatic happening. Such thought process makes a 'feel' of a logical separate individual with freewill and choice with body, as its center of operation. So finally, we feel ourselves as separate individuals, inside and the world outside to be negotiated to make a meaningful living. This completes the 'living' for that moment. So what goes un-noticed is that fact no understanding can happen, unless such interpretation in thought, which is what understanding is, comes about and is sensed and felt as experience at the body. Such is the complexity of ‘Life’ playing out itself as if separate entities involved in co-ordinating each aspect in time.

So the direct sensing is never understood immediately until interpreted in thought, into a world of objects and a feel of such understanding becomes a feeling or experiencing at the body level. This final interpreted sensing, seems to register in memory as the only feel of whatever is sensed. It works as a close loop, sensing, interpreting as objects, believing it so, by the feel of such understanding and so on and on.

For example, we don’t and cannot sense a tree. Interpretation of the wholeness sensed, includes whatever that tree is and also whatever we are as ‘one’ seeing, interpreted in its understanding by thought process as separate objects, out of which, one such object, separate from the rest, is made to feel like ‘me’ or ‘subject seer’ and the rest of such seeing as ‘objects seen’, which was never the original ‘seeing or sensing’ but only ‘felt’ after such understanding of such single seeing, was broken up into part seeing and explained or interpreted to be a subject- object world. So the creation of an objective world with a subject ‘me’ is more on the basis of interpreted story about such seeing. Understood?.  Again, only thoughts are understood or we can say, understanding is in thought and percolates to the body level as a feel of such thought.

So, thoughts are streaming down in the mind, continuously interpreting every sensation, combining all direct perceiving and interpreting as a  bundle of thoughts, also finally sensed and felt 'real'. However most of it is mental process, after direct sensing.

So generally, you feel your thoughts, about what is sensed, rather than a direct feeling of ‘what is’ that is sensed. If one could see this, then the game is over, at least the basis of play that includes   ‘suffering’ as a feel created by thought, about such a story, deserving suffering, as a subject sufferer. But such seeing is an in-seeing, before thought can work on the subject of what is sensed.

When you see a snake, for example, the colour is very colourful. It is theme to enjoy. Its movement is like a dance, a theme to enjoy, its feel is the feel of a skin, very soothing and also a theme to enjoy, but all said and done, what one finally feels, what he thinks is a snake, is the thought that snakes are  ‘ughh’ and then what is felt is repulsion and fear. So in its practical finality, the sensing of the snake of such was beauty, was turned ‘down’ give rise to repulsion and fear as associated appeal coming from the snake, rather than being a process at the mind. The ‘feel’ of repulsion and fear, is a feel based in thought, as if such feel was true and belonged to the snake.

Thoughts have a way to make its feel true, because the understanding, which is the intelligence that life is, has given preference that such understanding should be felt, rather than life in its direct form. All understanding in terms of thought, is linked with the theme that life ‘as’ a a subject person -is real- and events, in time and space, and is sequential with cause and effect, being the basis for such reality.  Such understanding, about life is nothing but an assumption, ‘agreed upon’ to feel as REAL.

The ‘agreed upon’, is also a process, that life passes on down te ‘years’ so to speak, which we call as   conditioning of mind. This is nothing but a belief that thoughts about the sensing, by a conditioned mind, must be believed, as understood. It seems that such understanding uses logic, based on continuity of ‘sensing’  as a set of object, linked to each other making them into ‘events of all the changes’ that are happening, to be converted into a ‘story-line’ in time and lived from that point of view. Such conditioning gets strengthened in times to comes, as all that is happening fro this point of view, is accepted as logical, in the understanding of it.

However, life uses ‘cause and effect’ or logic, without getting deeper into the logic of such assumption, digesting all conditioned thoughts, to prove a world of objects ‘real’ to a subject that is ‘real’ and apart from or independent of such a real world. Its feels genuine from birth to death and also to everyone, as the marketing of such theme to process thinking, starts from birth. So ‘life’ robs life out of all objects, converting them simply to objects without life, to go about the story making, from a unreal world to a world of assumed reality.

There also is - what seems to be - a focus. An attention to what is happening. Sensing is sensed and thoughts are sensed. Now what is felt, is what is thought, about what is sensed. So thoughts have to form around what is sensed at such speed and this focus, has to move faster, to know sensing and also the thoughts and remain in thought, so that, the feeling of sensing, is not focused as it happens, but is skipped until, the feel of thought about such sensing happens.

If attention is put on focus of what is happening, like putting attention on attention, one can see that, what ‘moves’ is what focus clings to. Focus is only what changes. Without change, attention cannot be sought. So what is focused on, is what changes fastest, which are thoughts, as if there is juice in the story about what is sensed. Finally, one is at the mercy of such focus, to come about to rest, on the movement of thoughts, which is the ‘understanding’ of ‘what is’ that is sensed, as an event, with objects in the world, having their real stories, make the final feel, to make oneself also, real, as if party to such story.

If and when such focus becomes weak.  attention does not wait on thoughts. So, seeing is felt before, the feel of a thought of such seeing.  In absence of focus, what is not focused is not registered to mind or memory. So, when you are seeing a tree, if the focus, is on thoughts, the tree is not registered. Only the story in thought is registered. Even so, if the focus is not on thoughts, thoughts cannot be registered, and gives a chance for the ‘feel’ of direct sensing to take place prior to any conceptualising about such seeing can take place. This is the place of Direct living. Once this is tasted, the taste of interpreted living becomes ‘stale’ or unreal.

This feel of life, in absence of thought, is not concerned with time and space. Time and space is not felt, as such feel is an act created in thought. The feel of absence of time and space and story about such logic, depending on time and space, cause and effect, subject ‘me’ and an objective world, is the feel of direct living, where in, being lived is plainly noticed rather than ‘living a life’. It’s a feel when focus dies out on individual sensing, through interpreted thoughts. All that is sensed is now in focus.

Once this focusing process, selecting what next to focus and interpret - drops, the sense of a center from which such focusing was operating also drops. Then all that is happening is, only ‘WHAT IS’ without a story line in time, as if nothing ever happened. All ‘stories’ with logic about what is sensed, goes into background or goes unfocused, to reveal a world, devoid of story line, as if no world ever was happening and never happened.

This is direct living, or a sensing of life directly, as it show up in the now, changing its looks, and dancing its play, with no-one to watch, as a separate entity,  as if to make some meaning to ‘life’ that is so playing out. This show is the dance of life, as creation, in its nascent form, before being adulterated, by agreed upon method of conceptualising, or meaning making, to bring in time, space, cause, effects, me’s and you’s into the process and depicting a real world to take on day after day.

So forcing ourselves to understand life, within the parameters of our conditioning beliefs,  is the root of changing the feel of ‘what we truly are’, to a ‘feel of what we think we are’ as separate individuals, that causes our world of suffering to be real, even when not.