121. To look within.

Many times, we are advised to go within and we wonder ‘where’ this within could be. Does it mean to put attention in the chest or heart area? Does it mean, concentrating on what our feelings are, at the point of attention? Or can we dissolve the attention altogether and see what happens.

This is very trick statement. The sense perceptions are taken, as if, drawn outward. It senses sight, sounds, taste etc. as if ‘knowing content’ in awareness. There are also sensations like feelings, emotions, etc, that arise ‘in’ thoughts, or stimulated ‘by’ thoughts. Thoughts itself are self energetic packages, that adds more meanings to itself, in terms of emotions and feelings. Its like using body language to express words. Thoughts are words, feelings and emotions too, all packaged in one. We don’t know how fast it arises in awareness, stays for a while, like duration of perceptions that we sense, and moves on. Thoughts are also sense perceptions of mind, as they project interpretation to perception in dualitical language, so as to experience perceptions, as if in separation.. Or we can say, mind is the space wherein arises thoughts emotions and feelings, and all sensations of our five senses too. We really don’t locate it as a space in the head, because the feelings are more to the body, than to the head. We may go cold, or limp, by fearful thoughts. These arising’s finally express itself as more of our body language.

Considering that all these sensations are content to knowing, as arising in awareness, it is possible to turn or focus our awareness to these contents 'only'. However contents keep changing and we know that, we are not this content. An sight, if we may call, is to see clearly, what we are not. You cant see what we are, because its not a seeing. You cannot make, 'being' as a content. You cannot have an insight of yourself. Its already the case.If what you are is aliveness, its everywhere and you cannot make it an object, because its already, whats perceiving. So an insight, if you will, is at beast, what you are, as what you are not.
If I want to keep my focus of attention, or .awareness' on my body parts, in a fraction of a second, I get absorbed in neurotic thought process, which has become habitual. It appears that Awareness is aware of all content, but it selects, randomly, some content to keep itself busy, and we really cannot direct our attention to what we want, on a prolonged basis. The mind seems to be in charge of itself and responds to our will power only for a short while, like changing directions or tracks and then, does what it wants. So its both voluntary and involuntary. Its like being on auto, and we try to put it on manual, but goes back to auto. But Mind is always aware of content. Either sensation as content or else, thought itself as content. Its like breathing, voluntarily or automatically. So all actions, thoughts, sensations, etc etc which are content awareness are partially monitored, by what we call our attention or our focus of awareness. However all of these content is referred as ‘outside’. Or we could called all of it is outward perception. So then what is ‘inward’ perception.

When we are not caught up in thought, the focus of attention on content is withdrawn,  as we do by closing our eyes or meditating, etc, we start withdrawing ( we dont start or stop, but its a way of stating) our attention or the focus of awareness. With conscious effort, when the mind is still, ‘if’ we can push our attention on the field of awareness itself,  or the source of thoughts, which can only happen, when the content to knowing, or arising of sensations are totally absent, then 'perhaps’ we have achieved such a state. Then we say, that the activity of all outer perceptions have stopped and what remains is 'knowing' of the field of content, or source of awareness or 'looking' inward. That’s when the awareness that was like an arrow, focused on content, fans out itself, like a Japanese fan,on all content, to include the whole field of awareness, in which a sense of limited attention does not exist. The whole field of consciousness is the perception, It becomes self evident in a way. Knowing can even know an absence of content, and ‘ not knowing’ is an impossibility, because it still needs a knowing to be so.

In the beginning, we cannot have peace of mind. when we meditate, all evil thoughts keep coming up. We are aware of these thoughts and we fight to stop it. There is an internal war going on. If at all, there is some cessation, it could only be 'war weariness' . Complete peace is like a roar of an ocean. You are conscious of your own body to its core. So there is no 'silent' state at all, unless you are clinically dead. But, there is a sense of dissolution of the ‘me’ sense into the field of consciousness, once in a while, where there is a realisation, that consciousness is not limited to the body. Even absence of sensation, can be known in consciousness, and that still exists as you. So even the absence of the body, as a bundle of sensation, is still a content to knowing. It finally dawns that this consciousness is all there is, knowing all presence and absence of content as sensation. That is the place ‘within’ as the 'source'or field of knowing. The source of all content that arises, the field in which all arises, to play out as this universe, by arising as a bundle of sensations. It also is realised that all there is, is only this source, as the essence of all content, as the source itself expresses as content, and uses thoughts to interpret content as 'object' to knowing, outside of such knowing. It as if, the source is making this up, as a foot print, of its actions, to make a story in memory, in a dualistic way. We are left with only such a reflection, that keeps doing itself to make presence feel as a world ob objects. It’s a dance of consciousness.
So to look inside is an act of grace and to look outside is a conditioning of the mind. You are involved in neither.
Good Luck on seeking. There is nothing to attain.