69. Suffering and ‘Me’ sense.

We normally feel that we are suffering due to one or other reasons. The feeling is so strong or real that we cannot imagine that there is a possibility that, there could be a way ‘not to feel’ the suffering.

People try to be patient, get motivated, counselled etc., as ‘ways out’ of suffering. Some succeed to some extent. Also, it is easy to write, that suffering is unreal, even though it feels real, but no harm in bringing some sense of humour, into what suffering actually is.

There seems to be a cause of suffering and a another root cause of suffering, apart from the immediate cause. The immediate cause of suffering seems to be rooted in external situations, seen unacceptable to a ‘me’. ( or something that I am helpless about ) and the root cause is the illusory relation that is maintained, of the outside world and ‘me’ itself.

We normally tend to attack the symptoms of suffering because the root cause is beyond the appeal to mind. We shortlist the reasons for suffering as lack of money, time, friends, health, mood, character, enthusiasm, situations, and many more to this list and try to strive to increase the chances of improving the external nature of suffering by ‘trying to’ fill up the gap. We try and improve our personalities, relationships, take advise of elders, consultants, pundits and swamijis etc to achieve this target. The ‘known’ and ‘unknown’ causes that seem to bring about suffering, are  imagined to be ‘real’.

Firstly we accept that suffering is ‘real’ and the sufferer also as ‘real’. We believe that life is difficult and we must suffer. In other words, suffering makes life ‘real’. We continue to find ways to suffer to maintain the difficulty of life, so as to maintain the ‘reality’ of the fiction that life is real. Maintaining the suffering is maintaining the sufferer. The suffering is the sufferer –so as to say. Our words and actions too, play out the suffering to the maximum to keep it going. We ‘strive’ (another word for suffering) to come out of suffering. Studying hard, working hard, exercising hard ( physically and mentally) etc, where in full effort ( another word for struggle or suffering) seems to spring out from the sufferer as if a drowning person is trying to save himself.  When there is struggle to get out of water, you normally are not doing the swimming right and run the risk of drowning. Similarly, we try to cover all tracks that can lead to suffering in one go and find the struggle a big burden in life. Life is a burden and burden is life seems to be the bottom line.

What is suffering?. Suffering is an effort to fill up the lack of want verses what you seem to have. You are lean and want to be fat or the other way. You are unhappy and want to be happy. The lack is only in areas of security and pleasure. Seeking is another name for suffering. Seeking wealth and health and peace of mind is struggling on these issues. By grace and in time, some healing of suffering does take place. But in that time, the wants also seem to increase. You don’t want what you have and you want what you don’t have, becomes the ‘logo’ of seeking of suffering. When you get what you want, it already goes into that list of what you don’t want ( or what does not need to be looked into) and the circle of suffering is kept continuous.  This seeking is helpful in maintaining the ‘me sense’. If you are perfectly happy and there is nothing that you want, life becomes hopeless. It is hope that keeps filling time of an illusory ‘me’.

Following lines are apt from ‘Fundamental Expressions’: How can one be in state of ‘perfect and permanent happiness’?  'In perfect and permanent happiness'- there will be no further hope. So the state is 'hopeless'. If you can bear 'hopelessness' now, that is you are not seeking relief through future as if present is compulsive, 'you are in perfect and permanent happiness' now.

We think we are suffering due to external situations not being in our control. Suffering is a mental state. It is a way of ‘seeking change’  The ‘lack’ comes from the conditioning that the present state ‘must not be’. There is a resistance to being present in this state. The resistance is the suffering. It is Natures ‘method’ to maintain the ‘me sense’.  This also sees the activity of continuously changing the world, to meet the gap, causing the suffering. The ‘need’ to want a change maintains the ‘me sense’ here and also becomes an activity that is constantly changing the external conditions or the world. Change is the fundamental element in Creation. What keeps changing is ‘objective’. The whole simulation of ‘want’ is automatic and self sustaining. Understanding the working of nature is coming in terms with the flow of life.

Accepting ‘what is’ is allowing the change to be. The change is ‘going to be’ –come what may. Resistance make you feel separate and as if an individual.   A sense of separation  or individuality ‘appears’ due to resistance to ‘what is’. There is no individual entity operating any body. Life is the operator, maintaining the ‘change’.

Some wise words from Dr. Gregory Tucker: Quote :Life mostly features us 'clinging to the fiction that we are having a difficult life,' to anchor the fiction that 'someone is actually having one' in the first place. 'Enduring a difficult life' works, to keep the fiction in place that 'reality is not only real, it is real because it is difficult.' Without suffering, what proof do you have that you are having a life?  It is ‘embarrassing’ when truth reveals that you are required to keep your ‘brand of suffering’ to keep life ‘difficult’ in order to make the ‘me sense’ feel ‘real’. It is even more ‘embarrassing’ when truth reveals  that ‘suffering works’ to prolong the fiction that a ‘difficult life is a real life’ Unquote.

Suffering seems to be a synonym for ‘me’. When there is joy, you don’t feel either time of any sense of being individual.  Time and ‘me sense’ is felt only in suffering. Feeling separate is a mark of suffering already. They both are one and the same. Suffering is seeking is separateness is ‘me sense’. You cant shake off the ‘me’ as there isn’t anyone there to either to shake it off, nor to be shaken off. To see creation as a movement or change is coming to terms with what is happening and is beginning to dismantle the ‘me-sense’ which suffering is. The end of suffering is end of ‘me’, as both mean the same.

There is a possibility that suffering opens the door to study the nature of mind, or the world of appearance which is called spiritual seeking and also becomes another game to keep the ‘me-sense’ going strong. Ultimately, by grace, it is possible to suddenly find the end of seeking as the end of the seeker which would mean ‘ die before you die’ and bring about quite a bit of peace, but now, to no-one, as you.

It is a fun game to try and get rid of the ‘me’. There is one ‘me’ trying get rid of a ‘me’ by being ‘me’ as always. Try it out, it might throw you off ‘Samsara’ or the chain of suffering. Good luck.